Helping Our Teens BREATHE Through Stress

The “bar” has been lifted (or the limbo stick lowered...depending on your preferred image) in the lives of our teens and even tweens compared to when we were in their place. In middle-school, they are pushed to take high-school classes and tests; in high-school, they are prompted, cajoled, and strongly encouraged to take dual enrollment classes and knock off college credit with no guarantee that the laborious studying will be rewarded with the coveted credits.

Teens could be enjoying a couple more years of unencumbered wonder as they ease into adulthood; instead, in the name of success, they are pushed to reach their full potential, intellectually, spiritually, and otherwise; they are prodded to excel in athletics, the arts, or a club or two, and sometimes keep a job. They wear many hats at school, within their families, and in their communities while participating on various teams, suffering through standardized tests, some caring for younger brothers and/or sisters, worry about young adulthood, and building peer and romantic connections.

How can parents help?

• Pray. Pray in front of and with your teen. Prayer is the best stress-reliever. It is an amazing foundation of serenity in your life and your teen’s life.

• Be a positive example. Take 10 minutes out of the day for rest. Share with your teen what you’re going to do with those precious 10 minutes (Read. Meditate on a Bible verse or positive affirmation. Exercise. Call an old friend.) These are beautiful ways to show that taking time to decompress is important.

• Step outside and breathe. Try “Belly Breathing” in the sunshine to decompress and absorb the elements that the sun offer. Invite your teen to join you. Allow him/her to enjoy the benefits this break in the day can provide.

• Make sure your teen does at least one just-FUN thing a week. I don’t mean texting or scanning social media during homework time. Encourage one hour, without distractions, where your teen is engaged in something FUN. Examples are baking cookies (and eating them), spending time outside doing something silly, playing with a pet, or learning a craft that is fun but not particularly useful.

• Encourage good sleeping habits. Your teen cannot function well without good sleep. Teens need nine or ten hours of sleep per night, with no computer or phone distracting them. If that’s not realistic, make sure they give themselves time to play catch-up on weekends. If your teen has trouble sleeping, try this meditation link to help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-K3_E9JuI4&t=18s .

• Help your teen connect. Your teen needs positive, in-person, connections with loved ones to be truly content. Try to make your positive interactions with your teen outnumber negative or neutral ones. Check out this link for communication fun for you and your teen: https://www.joshua1nine.com/new-communication-tools Also, encourage them to socialize with peers in person.

• Disconnect. Many teens feel the need to be available ALWAYS, in case someone makes contact. Instead, family meals and family activities should be “disconnect” time. Gradually increase your teen’s “disconnect” time to help him/her de-stress.

• Perspective. Many teens feel certain that if they don’t (score perfectly on the SATs, get into the best college, earn every scholarship) that their life will end. Some even feel that the pressure comes from you, the parent(s). Take the pressure off by helping them to understand that these are NOT not tragedies.

Break the upward trend of teens seeking help for anxiety and depression. Help your teen or tween to stop feeling the pressure, the stress, the anxiety that comes with being over-scheduled and trying to live up to so many obligations. With added prayer, relaxation, and fun teens can be successful AND stress-free.