BREATHE With Your Spouse or Significant Other ~ Even When You Want TO EXPLODE!


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).



Beautiful passage; isn't it? It always touches me. Most often, we hear it at weddings, vow renewals, and Valentine's Day sermons. I implement it during couple's counseling, but it is NOT an easy verse to follow.

I can only speak for myself, but I can be the most patient person on the planet with a small child learning something new, repeating something I've said to a friend who didn't quite catch it, or cleaning up after my teen-aged grand-daughter -- one-more-time.  Watch me, though, when I'm screeching rather than teaching my husband a new computer task or when he says, "What?" instead of hanging on my every word.  Where is my patience? Cleaning up after my husband comes with sarcastic commentary or sound effects that make you think I'm near death's door or I have a serious constipation problem.  

I am easily kind, forgiving, and hopeful as I connect with colleagues, friends, family, and even strangers. Why, then, do I fail when it comes to the man that I have vowed to love and cherish until death? 

Why does anger, impatience, and even disgust attack so many relationships? Can we take a pill, press a button, FIND A QUICK-FIX to change those feelings back into HAPPY-EVER-AFTER LOVE? Then, we might find it easier to be patient, kind, unselfish, never angry.  Right?

We can have our Happy-ever-after; it works just like the passage says.  Think of marriage as a rubber lifeboat -- barely inflated. When we are patient with our partner we blow air into our lifeboat; when we are kind our lifeboat inflates; when we BREATHE until our anger subsides (inhale through our nose, counting to 7; exhale through our mouth, counting to 11 -- repeat 4 times) and THEN communicate, our lifeboat inflates. Our marriage "lifeboat" inflates when we BREATHE life into it. When we suck air out of it with distrust, and name-calling, negativity, neglect, lack of communication, and even sarcasm, our partnership can't stay afloat.    

It seems like an exhausting task -- inflating a whole lifeboat -- but once we begin, we will not be alone. Our patience will be rewarded by returned patience from our partner; our kindness is rewarded by kindness, trust and communication are rewarded by returned trust and communication.  Soon the lifeboat is sailing on open seas, just like we  dreamed.  The hardest part is setting aside fear and taking the first step.  The best way to do that, is to jump right in and to breathe...just BREATHE.


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